I’m hella mad. Made a long ass post and something happened, everything erased. BS day I’m having, really.
In short terms then ,
Saturday Weekend, Tired & Sleepy as fuck but I didn’t want to be a ‘catting’ friend so I dragged myself over there to SF, expecting a lovely day with my friend. Not so much, she met up with other friends which caused me to feel like an outsider. Even worse, her friends was expecting someone else to come, not me. Oh look, I wasn’t the actual friend to be coming in the first place, found out that I happened to be the back-up because the main friend had catted. The sad thing was she even admitted it to me, and here I wanted to be in denial. BS.
Birthday, the worst one I’ve ever had in my life. I know there are people out there that can’t even celebrate their birthday and have had harder times, but this is about me now. The birthdays in my life from 1 year old up until now had always consist of large groups of family members, herds of friends, or amusement theme parks. This year though, I decided to keep it simple by just going out for dinner to Korean BBQ. On the contrary though, it came out differently and I hate it.
Morning. No one in the family seems to care about my birthday. I guess I’m always the one getting excited and planning crazy things for my family. I slept my way through while my mom and brother sat eating noodles and chatting. When I came out, there goes a bowl of noodle for me and everyone was done and gone. So much attention for me, yay. Parents later got angry, plans canceled. Mom was apparently broke she says, borrowed some of my money. Left. Left. Later noon they came back. Phone. With a wide range of attitude tone. ‘So do you want a birthday cake or not!?! If you want one, I’ll buy it geez.” Alright, there goes my happy birthday cake. Oh, and she threw a red envelope on my laptop keyboard while I was typing. Not sure who it came from, but the way it was handed made me felt shitty. Dinner was just the typical rice and I had to set up the food and clean everything, alright then. Later I had hopes up for the cake, hoping to blow on some candles while everyone would sing a birthday song. Everyone dispatched. Brother on games. Mom watching movies. Dad asleep. No candles provided. No song. I sliced the cake and sat there eating myself, forever alone.
I love you soooo much. YOU’Z MAH RIDE OR DIE CHICK FOREAL. I’ve known you since preschool and you’re still the same silly little girl I knew back then. Thank you for being with me for all these years. I have so many things I have to thank you for but I always fail to. I love you little nigglet. I hope you have the best birthday today, even though I didn’t get to see you. :)
MADE MY DAY, LITERALLY <3
Friends I don’t even know if that term is possible to describe the people I’m around with anymore. I hate them more and more each day. They’re just so fake, it disgusts me. It’s not that I don’t know anything, but it’s just that I don’t say anything. I keep quiet. I ignore it all and move on. But lately it’s getting worse. I’m so paranoid to the point I don’t even want to bother with anyone. I tend to just keep my distance. I actually preferred to be a ‘loner’ they call it, than to be with my ‘friends’. From gossip to split personalities to sucking up for popularity to lies and other dumb shit, the cycle repeats and each time, more adds up to it. It’s okay, I could ignore the rest but as long as you treat me right, I’m fine with it. But since you do me wrong now, I sincerely dgaf about you guys anymore. People say you have to adjust yourselves to get along properly with others, but I ain’t about to change myself into one of those personalities to please or get along with anyone like that, or just anyone overall. That’s just not me. I need new friends, but oh look, everyone sucks around here. I need to graduate.
Family I’m so irritated. After coming home from the ‘Hell’ Technical Highschool, I expect to relax at home. But everytime I come home, I have to start hearing unreasonable and pointless lectures from my mom, and then await around 7-8 pm for my stepdad to come home and to continue onto more lectures. I can’t stay in a place where I won’t be paranoid. I think my head’s going to explode. I can’t feel the love anymore, I feel neglected. Every year as I grow older, It feels like I’m drifting further apart from my family. Or just maybe, from that one time, when my mom confessed to me that she actually cares for my brother more… then she shows it more… always yelling at me and speaking sweetly to him… and constantly concerning about him while disregarding me… that I feel left behind. I mean I should be understandable right ? Favoritism always exist among people.. Yeah..but I really am trying very hard to gain her attention from doing this and that and getting good grades.. Please love me too ): She’s been ignoring me for days without reason. The silent treatment sucks.
Usually they like pink, but I like green. They like hello kitty and gifts, I don’t. They like cosmetics and shopping, I don’t. They like movie dates, I like arcade and games. They like mini treats, I like fried chicken. They like bubbles or blossom, I like buttercup (powerpuff girls ftw). They like r&b and romance, I like punk rock. They like romance and chic flick movies, while I like horror. They like heels, I like sneakers. They like diamonds and jewelery, I like chains and studs. They like roses and pretty flowers, I like venus fly plants and cactus. They like mini skirts and booty shorts, I like long skirts and basketball shorts. They like badminton and tennis, I liked soccer and basketball. They like strolling for walks, I liked skateboarding. They like headwraps but I liked beanies. They like highlights but I like coontails. They like purses but I can’t bare them. They like pretty manicures, I like black or neon-colored nails. They like beauty make-up, I like scary halloween face make-up. They like to be drama-filled gossip girls, while I give no fucks and remain chill. They like to look shy and sweet, while I break out in humor. They like to play with their own kinds and types, I like to chill with animals and boys. They like to blend in with popularity and the hype, I prefer to be unique. They say I’m supposed to be good at math, yeah right. They like to talk and spazz about boys, instead, I get annoyed. I just want a garage band to rock out on with my own drum set.
My mom had always said me and my brother must’ve switched genders or personalities during birth, because we’re complete opposites. I’m the boy of the family while he’s the girl. Hm, Sometimes I wished.
